The approaching weekend (I use the term loosely as today is still tragically Tuesday) has served as a beacon of hope and strength for me for over a month now. Unfortunately, I have concluded that the universe wants the preceding week to be as unbearable as possible in order to ensure my appreciation.
But complaining about the comically varied incidents that have led to this conclusion would just add unnecessary insult to injury. So I will try to condense it into one, concise, unrelenting dilemma.
Where do I belong?
I have blessings in spades. Complaining about any part of my life, at this point, is just asking for the karmic pendulum to swing in the opposite direction and restore the balance. I'm not that stupid. But I am...confused. In flux. I sort of feel as if my wheels are spinning while I continue to go nowhere.
And I refuse to settle. The same reason I was single for the first 22 years of my life is the reason I find myself yet again teetering on the edge of professional blankness - more qualified, for sure - but nameless, homeless, and directionless. That I am capable is far from the question. I want to do what I want. And because I have played my cards right, lead a morally commendable existence, given of of myself - paid my dues, if you will - for so long at this point, I feel as deserving of a job I love. This is a rare confession for the girl who has trouble seeing herself as deserving of the many fortunate twists that brought her here in the first place.
So maybe that's the first neccessary step. Here's hoping.
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