Could the following please fuck off?

1. The regular attendees of the New York Philharmonic who clearly do not want to be there.
Look, I can get past the fact that you have somehow been roped into your subscription by your wife, or your generous mother-in-law, or perhaps your own self-righteous need to appear cultured and sophisticated. And while I take my job seriously, my job is as follows: to assist you in finding your seat/the water fountain/restroom, to retrieve your wheelchair/walker, to prevent you from taking flash photography, using a video camera, hanging your mink coat recklessly over the railing of the third tier, hanging your child recklessly over the railing of the third tier, or other such idiotic behavior to which you folks seem inexplicably drawn. Deliberately excluded from this job description are the following: MAKING you enjoy the concert, letting you waltz into a concert forty-five minutes late, somehow granting you an intellect beyond your means, rectifying your foul mood no doubt prompted by your disgusting excuse for a spouse, shaving the head of the gentleman seated in front of you, or single-handedly spearheading an architectural overhaul of Avery Fisher Hall.

2. People I don't know who volunteer their advice to me on Twitter or elsewhere.
Look, I'm not going to stop you from following me. That's the whole point of this ridiculous twitter phenomenon--we have the ability to follow the updates of those who wouldn't give two shits about us if they even knew who we were in the first place. (In some cases, a strange backlash occurs in which we continue to follow someone who does not follow us because they are a member of a certain celebrity elite, but their updates prove ultimately to be so utterly banal and at times even agitating that we choose to stop following them. Read: John Mayer.) Anyway, if you are following me on twitter and I am not reciprocating said follow, it is because I don't give the two aforementioned shits about you. So when your inane, unwarranted advice clogs my list of @replies, it not only pisses me off, but makes me care even less about you than I did to begin with. If I complain via twitter, you can be almost certain I am doing it for comedic rhetorical effect, or simply for the therapeutic release of these feelings into the great unknown. Really, just leave me alone. I think twitter is really dumb anyway, but I buy into it because I'm a total sheep, and kind of an internet whore.

3. People who make spelling or grammatical errors in any public venue in an attempt to sound smarter than they actually are.
I'm probably guilty of it on [rare] occasion and I welcome your corrections with open arms. But when people unnecessarily strive beyond their verbal abilities it just frustrates and saddens me. No, it annoys me too.